| | | | The Apple
(1980) |
s you may have judged from some of my previous pages, I like 80s movies that very few other people either do or have heard of. I'll watch most anything 80s and like it, but even I have my exceptions. "The Apple" is one of them...It's a movie that's watchable the same way a car crash or an eplileptic child is. It's that bad!
It's no small feat considering that "Can't Stop The Music" was also released that year, but this has to be the worst film of 1980, if not the 80s altogether.
Here's a brief plot description...I'm deviating from the norm on this review, so the real stuff is coming up.
Alphie and Bibi (Gilmour and the always excellent Stewart, the only good actor in this movie) are pop singers from Moosejaw, Saskatchewan, Canada. They enter a music contest in the oh-so-distant year of 1994, and lose it to the duo of Pandi and Dandi (Kennedy and Love), but gain a contract with a devilish figure named Mr. Boogalow (Sheybal). He promises fame and fortune to the both of them, but only Bibi takes the apple (literally, in a musical number to be described later). Now, with Alphie and Bibi split by fame & fortune, they must get back together somehow.
That's the plot, sort of like the Biblical tale of Adam & Eve, only with nothing good or moral to recommend it.
Now, some lowlights of this P.O.S:
The musical numbers. There's one every 2 minutes...LITERALLY! These aren't good songs, either. These songs are on the level of what you sing at Summer Camp, only their overbearing stupidity is magnified to the size of the Empire State Building. An example is the musical number mentioned earlier. Dandi sings a song about taking a bite of the apple in order to achieve success. This would be no problem if the song were cleverly written, but it's not. Instead, the song takes the apple metaphors FAR too literally, complete with a prop apple being tossed around back and forth. Another is a song about...well, I can't state it on this, a family website, but suffice to say once you hear it, you'll wonder how this movie escaped with a PG rating.
The choreography. This was made in 1980, a dark time between the end of disco, the first fourth of New Wave and the beginning of rap music, every musical form of which has a type of dancing to go with it. This movie must not have gotten the memo from those radio DJs in 1979, and so we're treated(?) to a bizarre type of disco dancing that would have Steve Rubell going in for the kill with one of Tony Montana's guns. The movie was made by Golan-Globus...Look at it this way. "Breakin'" has dancing on the levels of the Bolshoi compared to this movie.
The production design and costumes. Okay, so 1994 wasn't very futuristic. Still, guys, you could have tried a little harder. Attaching fins to cars and cones to baby carraiges isn't exactly "Star Wars"-level work.
The actors...With the exception of Catherine Mary Stewart (a woman who always is a great actress, no matter what movie she's in), the cast is very bad. Not in terms of singing (their voices are relativelt credible) nor dancing (it may be bad, but it's pulled off without a hitch relatively), but in terms of delivering lines. Of course, with a script where no lines really stand out, you're pretty much bound to come up snake eyes no matter what.
This movie is bad...It makes "Ishtar" look like "Raging Bull".
 Don't forget that The Apple is now available to order on Widescreen DVD using our special 80s Retro Assistant...
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I'm not saying this movie is bad, but if it were a dog, you'd have to shoot it. (Apologies to Dennis Miller for misquoting that line from his "Off-White Album"). I exonerate Stewart for her talent (much missed from movies in 2003), but I feel that this movie has no redeeming value otherwise.
Catherine, you're free to go. The rest of you, from Golan and Globus down to the caterers... You owe the movie-going public a written apology.
I give this movie a 1 (a first for the Rewind).
CASE DISMISSED!
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Reportedly, during its premiere at the Paramount Theater in Hollywood, audiences threw their free souvenir sountracks at the screen, causing extensive damage. 
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Catherine Mary Stuart auditioned for the role of Alex in "Flashdance". She was deemed (as many others were) "too pricey" for her multiple talents. It was cheaper to hire Jennifer Beals and 3 uncredited dancers. Catherine has stated that she could have done ALL of the dancing/acrobatics in "Flashdance" without the use of doubles. -Thanks to Ellen
This movie is a huge cult classic!!! It was released on DVD on August 24th 2004. -Thanks to Betzy
Finola Hughes appears as a dancer in the background in one scene, and folk singer Yma Sumac appears in another scene.
There was only one showing of the movie in Berlin which was at the "outpost movie theater". That movie theater used to be run by/for the army and now houses the allied museum in Berlin. -Thanks to Walk On
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Rediscover your favorites! If you like
The Apple or 80's Dance / Musical classics, then be sure to
check out this list: ..... Dirty Dancing ..... Pink Floyd: The Wall ..... Breakin' ..... Footloose ..... Xanadu ..... Stop Making Sense ..... Times Square ..... Fame ..... Pennies From Heaven ..... Earth Girls Are Easy ..... Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo ..... Purple Rain ..... Girls Just Want to Have Fun ..... Best Little Wh*rehouse In Texas ..... Back To The Beach ..... One From The Heart .....[More]
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I attended an American school in Berlin at the time and much of the "audience" was made up of Army brats and other American kids who happened to live in Berlin at the time. We were paid 50 german marks for a full Saturday of sitting around (and then storming the stage when asked to do so).
The Choreographer was Nigel Lythgoe, a producer of AMERICAN IDOL! -Thanks to Michael Gingold
I am the co-creator writer and lyricist of "The Apple". Coby and I worte it as a Hebrew stage musical in 1977 and then Menachem Golan lijed it so much that he brought us to L.A. to translate it into English. We were young and naiive, like Alphie and Bibi in the movie, and since then we did not get a penny out of that movie at all. So seems like Bugalow-Satan showbiz unfairness does exist in reality and this "very bad" movie tells some "truth" after all. -Thanks to Iris Yotvat (Recht)
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|  |  |  | | The Apple
Locations |
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I was a dancer in the film " The Apple". Filming took place from September to December 1979 in West Berlin. I am unable to remember specific locations now, but some scenes took place in a brand new convention centre/theatre. The cast stayed at the Amzoo Hotel on the Ku'damm. [Thanks to Yvonne Mellor]
The concert scene in this movie was shot inside the main hall of the International Congress Center (ICC) in Berlin. [Thanks to Walk On]
Can you help? Do you know any of the Germany filming locations used for The Apple? [Please send them in]
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The songs were written by George S. Clinton and Colby and Iris Recht. Nothing memorable, unless you love bad music... REALLY BAD MUSIC!
According to the end credits of the film, Catherine Mary Stewart didn't do her own singing. That task fell to Mary Hylan. The Apple is her only credit on the IMDb.
It's George S. Clinton who helped write the music. He is not to be confused with the high priest of funk, George Clinton of Parliament Funkadelic.
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