Sorry in advance if this post casts a rather different mood than many of the others, but I kinda need to do a little bit of an emotional release, and this is the best place for me to do so. So please bear with me a moment.....
Sometimes, when you're sat, like I am now, at home with only a keyboard and a screen for company, the stuff that comes at you through the screen and the people that you interact with become real important. But I see, on here and on many other mesage boards and forums I visit, that it's real easy to treat people as just a user-name, and conveniently 'forget' that they are just the same as you, on the other end of the global network. This has been bought home to me especially hard this week, in the worst possible way.
On Monday, I learned that a friend of mine, from another forum I visit, had suddenly passed away one night whilst at work. We'd never met, nor chatted on the telephone, but he'd always been on at me to make the effort and go to one of the regular get-togethers that they have, so that we could chat and have a drink or two. Sadly, I couldn't manage it, but I always thought we'd have time for that later. Because he was only 38 years old.
The thing was, he was the nicest bloke you would ever want to have as an online friend. He could joke about, laugh at your expense, and take the online jibes as well as give them out. But he'd also be the first on email or PM when you'd been offline for a while, checking that all was OK, and he would take the time to chat if there was ever anything you were finding difficult. In short, he treated his online friends just like his real-life friends, which is often a trick you can miss if you don't try.
I guess what I'm really posting this for is to let the members here know that this board is as great as it is because of everyone here - and that despite the differences that exist, and the tensions that sometimes break out between members, it's a great place to be because of the great people here. Don't miss opportunities to let people know that you appreciate them, even if you only know them online - because you never know when they might stop being around.
OK - maudlin post over - let me get on with the fun stuff again!!
Posted by 80'sRocked (Member # 6979) on :
Well said Paul....RIP
Posted by Riptide (Member # 457) on :
Wow, Paul that's rough, sorry to hear that. I have that fear as well about online pals. How would you know what happened to them if you never met them and aren't in their regional vicinity? Really makes you think.
Posted by ISIS (Member # 1780) on :
I totally agree Paul. I am sorry about your friend...can I asked what happened with him...how did you find out he died?
I think about it all the time...and I think about it in real life...because lately I have had a few people do some things to me that have really hurt my feelings alot, and some of them don't even know it, because I don't say anything.
In real life...I really work hard at being friends with people...I put a huge deal of time, and commitment in to friendship...and sometimes people just slam you for no reason. I think it has become harder and harder to meet people.
One of my friends says she feels like giving up on humanity because she feels people are so rude and mean.
I was saying this to my mom, and to my son-because my son just had a fight with his best friend....and I asked him...how much does it mean to him to fix it, because he's his best friend, and practically his only one...but he said he was tired of being treated badly by him, and he kind of feels relieved. But...I think when you end a friendship...a part of you dies, because you mourn the friendship as a death.
I think the people that you meet on the website can become good friends.
My son has a bunch of friends on XBOX live...some of them he has talked to on the phone...I am grateful at times for that...because at least he has a connection to someone. Not everyone that you meet who lives next door...will have anything in common with you, so if you can talk to people with similiar interests...then I feel it counts as a friendship...my mom says it's not the same thing. I said in this day and age...how many people actually hang out with their friends every day...you talk to them on the phone and through email too....so just because you haven't met them in person...it doesn't really change anything..to me.
There is one particular person on this message board...who I really would like to meet...and I think...why shouldn't I...life is so short...but there are some reasons why meeting certain people might not work out for you in your personal life, with your family. But it still makes me sad to think...what if I never meet that person, and one of us dies...cause that's a possibility....you'll wonder all your life...if you should have met.
I honestly try so hard with people...I email everyone instantly when they email me, I try to get them thoughtful presents for their birthdays and the holidays, and I try and let everyone I know...know how much they mean to me, and that is partly because I think about...if I died...would they know....just like the Garth Brooks song "If Tomorrow Never Comes"- those words are so true.
I honestly wish that others actually put the effort in to it.
Now...sometimes you think you made a good friend in someone, and then you say 1 thing that might rub them the wrong way...then they write you off forever...as if your not allowed to have an opinion as if you always have to agree on everything they do...and that drives me crazy too, because I think how do they maintain relationship with anyone, if they can write people off so easily. I find it sad how so many people can cast people aside so quickly for no reason, it makes you feel at times...why even bother attempting to make friends...when people don't put the effort in to it.
But....I think that any time you can actually talk about a person so highly ....that they must have been doing something right to earn that. It is too bad that time runs out so fast.
Posted by major (Member # 7478) on :
Gosh. Wow.
That was a real eye opener, proving, once again, that no one and nothing should be taken for granted.
Paul, I'm deeply sorry about the loss of your friend.
I'm also on another forum and I've spoken on the phone with a few friends from there. I was lucky enough to meet one in person ... what a wonderful time we had (we even included our children)!
As a single mom (I have my son 24/7), I don't get much time to socialize (not counting school functions or baseball games), so most of my closest friends are from the other forum.
I'm hoping to make some great ones here, as well.
Posted by 80'sRocked (Member # 6979) on :
I consider "Forum Friends" as real friends and treat them the same way I treat my real life friends. I was never big on grudges either....life is too short.
Posted by Muffy Tepperman (Member # 1551) on :
Sorry for your loss Paul!
Posted by Stitch Groover (Member # 2895) on :
I too consider internet friends to be real friends. Who says you have to meet a person face to face to have a connection? It's like in the old days when people used to have pen pals... no one thought it was weird that people became close to their penpals, well it's no different to making friends in forums and chatrooms.
I have met people here that I keep in touch with outside of the Rewind, and I also have a couple very close friends that I've met via MySpace, who were introduced to me by other friends.
Paul, I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Your grief is no different to that you'd be feeling if you lost a friend you have real world contact with.
Posted by ISIS (Member # 1780) on :
That is true about penpals. I use to write to people constantly when I was younger. Another way that my parents met people...were through CB radios. They had a channel that they hooked up with each other on...and then they all became friends, and joined a CB club, and I remember us getting together in the summer with them for a picnic and then they had a big Christmas party one year...but they goofed around on CB with each other, and played practical jokes on each, and they actually had a huge bond together. But, they didn't see each other that often. When some of the older ones died, we were really sad...it changed the whole connection that people had ...and eventually everything ended .
Sometimes you have to really be grateful for the moment your given every day to talk to someone.
Posted by pettyfan (Member # 2260) on :
I consider my Internet friends to be as good as my "real" friends, too. I lost a friend a few years ago--not to death--but to a really stupid argument where bigmouth here lost her temper. Soemtimes I'd like to talk to her again, but sometimes I'm kinda relieved we aren't friends anymore.
Anyway, Paul, I'm sorry for your loss.
Posted by Valley (Member # 1322) on :
Paul that is such a sad story, but very reflective at the same time. The internet is a tricky thing, but it has been a pleasure getting to know everyone on here.
Posted by buffalo-girl (Member # 7498) on :
hi paul so sorry about your friend i also have alot of great friends online also and when i don't hear from them for a few days i keep e mailing them til i do hear back ? i made a few really good friends online and would miss them very much if they were gone take care dee Posted by jdocster (Member # 5752) on :
Paul,
Sorry about your friend. That really sucks! I too consider all of us here to be friends. This is a great community we have here, and I feel fortunate to have been accepted by all of you. I don't think there is anyone on this site that I don't get along with. I hope nobody here thinks I'm an @sshole or anything.
Hang in there friend... Posted by 80'sRocked (Member # 6979) on :
quote:Originally posted by jdocster: I hope nobody here thinks I'm an @sshole or anything.
You kidding Jdoc? You're one of the coolest and nicest dudes here, plus you like to clown around and have a good time. It's great talking about the things we love, but I'm here more for meeting new people and having a good time. If you can't have fun in a forum like this one, there's just no point in being here. Posted by Stitch Groover (Member # 2895) on :
quote:Originally posted by 80'sRocked: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face=""Century Gothic", Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face=""Century Gothic", Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jdocster: I hope nobody here thinks I'm an @sshole or anything. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face=""Century Gothic", Verdana, Arial">You kidding Jdoc? You're one of the coolest and nicest dudes here, plus you like to clown around and have a good time. It's great talking about the things we love, but I'm here more for meeting new people and having a good time. If you can't have fun in a forum like this one, there's just no point in being here.
Ditto
Posted by Mr. Jack Burton (Member # 4673) on :
Hey Paul, so sorry to read about your friend. My thoughts are with his family, wherever they might be.
On the subject of friends on here. I've been on a few different movie and sport related sites in my time, but never have I been felt more welcome and a part of the gang than on here. It's been the best discovery I've made finding this forum and I love all you guys!! Posted by jdocster (Member # 5752) on :
That goes ditto for me to all of you rewinders!
OK guys, lets have a beer! Posted by 80'sRocked (Member # 6979) on :
quote:Originally posted by Mr. Jack Burton: On the subject of friends on here. I've been on a few different movie and sport related sites in my time, but never have I been felt more welcome and a part of the gang than on here. It's been the best discovery I've made finding this forum and I love all you guys!!
Well said Jack. This is by far the best forum site I have ever seen in my life. You couldn't find a better group of people if you tried. It's great having you. I just wish that I had access to a computer during work hours because that is when most of the action is.
Posted by Mr. Jack Burton (Member # 4673) on :
I'm on here in work only. Don't have a computer at home. But I'll be honest, you guys are making me browse laptop catalogues..
And by the by 80's Rocked, you look like Anthony Kiedis!! Rock on man!!!!
Posted by journey (Member # 7316) on :
That's very sad about your friend, Paul. Life is too short...
My biggest point of contention with online forums is the way some people feel like it gives them a license to suspend all manner of decency or empathy. I haven't ever seen that here per se, but other forums can be downright vicious. Someone asks a newbie question and everyone descends upon them like a pack of rabid wolves with a bunch of sneers and derision. And sometimes there's the opposite: People whom you politely disagree with on one point and they get all hysterical and take it personally, like you just cursed their whole family or something. Whatever the case, the lack of physical proximity afforded by cyberspace seems to completely change the experience of personal interaction for some people. You get completely objectified as a screen name and not a real person.
Posted by 80'sRocked (Member # 6979) on :
quote:Originally posted by Mr. Jack Burton: And by the by 80's Rocked, you look like Anthony Kiedis!! Rock on man!!!!
Haha Jack. I guess you saw my new profile pics....I was told that before back in the day when I had long hair. I was told I looked like alot of people. Posted by Mr. Jack Burton (Member # 4673) on :
Well I'm a huge fan of the Chilli's and man you looked like him!! Posted by Paul Dangerously, you iceholes.... (Member # 1022) on :
quote:Originally posted by 80'sRocked: Well said Jack. This is by far the best forum site I have ever seen in my life. You couldn't find a better group of people if you tried. It's great having you. I just wish that I had access to a computer during work hours because that is when most of the action is.
Well I have access from work and from home, but being in the UK, I gotta say that my workdays on the site are pretty quiet - I gotta wait for all you colonials to wake up, eat your pancakes and drink your coffee, then log on and talk about the 80s...... Posted by Mr. Jack Burton (Member # 4673) on :
Yeah it sure is quiet in the morning hey Paul!! Well I'm always about mate!! Give me a bell!1 Posted by EleanorJune (Member # 7024) on :
Hey I up bright and early everyday!
Posted by Mr. Jack Burton (Member # 4673) on :
Yeah but bright and early there is afternoon here honey! Posted by EleanorJune (Member # 7024) on :
Yeah true...sorry I tried!
Posted by xchazx (Member # 7158) on :
i don't post on a lot of forums, but this is the only place i post where everybody is generally nice all the time, although i love the motleyrulz vs isis goings on.
though i'm sure 80'srocked could tell you i'm not so nice in the hockey thread, but "i'm trying ringo, i'm trying real harrrrd to be the shepherd."
Posted by Mr. Jack Burton (Member # 4673) on :
quote:Originally posted by EleanorJune: Yeah true...sorry I tried!
Awww, bless..
Posted by Mr. Jack Burton (Member # 4673) on :
quote:Originally posted by xchazx: i don't post on a lot of forums, but this is the only place i post where everybody is generally nice all the time, although i love the motleyrulz vs isis goings on.
though i'm sure 80'srocked could tell you i'm not so nice in the hockey thread, but "i'm trying ringo, i'm trying real harrrrd to be the shepherd."
You can do it ya Bad Mutha Focker!!!
Posted by 80'sRocked (Member # 6979) on :
quote:Originally posted by xchazx: though i'm sure 80'srocked could tell you i'm not so nice in the hockey thread, but "i'm trying ringo, i'm trying real harrrrd to be the shepherd."
You're doing a fine job brother. You were a bit harsh in the beginning, but you have grown.
It's cool having someone like you here with a bit of an edge.
I also find some of the "battles" between certain rewinder's quite amusing at times....sometimes a bit much.
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